Trust Me
by storyteller73
Summary: Mac must find away to get Hawkes to trust him enough to tell him what's affecting him.


**Title: Trust Me **

Author: Storyteller73

Characters/Pairing: Mac Taylor/Sheldon Hawkes

Warning/Spoiler: Slash: don't like don't read; (It Happened to Me)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of this story they belong to the CBS

Summary: Mac must find away to get Hawkes to trust him enough to tell him what's affecting him.

"_He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and_ _forgers" Charles Peguy._

* * *

What was I thinking not telling Mac from the start that I had treated the dead guy earlier in the day; obviously I wasn't because he is going to rip me a new one the minute he finds out. I have to be the one to tell him, can't let him find out any other way he'll never forgive me, never look at me the same way again, god how could I have been so stupid.

Walking to his office I feel my heart beat out of my chest, my hands are clammy and I can feel sweat running down my face and back. I feel like I'm walking to the gallows rather than to talk to my boss not to mention that man that holds my heart. Could this day get any worse than it already had or for that matter the month or the year?

Mac looked up at the knock on his door and motion for Hawkes to enter and take a seat.

"Something on your mind you want to share Hawkes?"

"Yes Mac, I've made a terrible mistake."

"Okay. I'm sure it's something we can work through. You can tell me anything, Sheldon."

"I may be responsible for the death of Martin Stafford. "

Mac stands up from his chair and walks around to where Hawkes is sitting. Later he'd probably think that it sent the wrong signal to Hawkes but right now all he could think was that he might have to take supervisory action against one of his team members.

"What brought you to that conclusion, did something happen that you're not saying?"

"I attended to him in the park earlier today, Martin had been drinking. And it was clear he was a bit drunk. They both were. And because of it, I made assumptions and acted irresponsibly."

"Was there any abdominal cramping, excessive perspiration?"

"I didn't see it. Didn't look for it, didn't ask."

"I know I should've mentioned this at the scene, and I don't have a good answer as to why I didn't. I just keep thinking that if I would've gotten him to a hospital, things could've turned out differently."

"Maybe, maybe not. You can't go back and save his life. You can only move forward. Solve his murder."

Hawkes kept his head down feeling too ashamed of his actions to look Mac in the eye. More importantly not wanting to see the look of disappointment he was sure was on Mac's face.

"I know that Mac, I know. I just wish I'd done things differently that's all."

Mac stepped closer to him and placed his hand on his shoulder, the action caused Hawkes to look up.

"Have you talked to Sheldon?"  
"I'm… I'm not sure what to say. Guess my expectations are too high."  
"What do you mean?"

"Hawkes is a brilliant former surgeon. That being said, I know that he couldn't have saved Martin Stafford's life if he had tried. But what's bugging me is I don't understand why he didn't know more was wrong with him. Why he didn't see the symptoms, why he didn't tell us everything at the crime scene."

"I've been asking myself those questions. When Hawkes told me what happened, I was angry, but I resisted giving him a lecture or threatening modified duty, because... it was Sheldon. All I kept thinking was, this isn't like him. It wasn't like him at all. I suppose we do expect a lot out of each other."

"Maybe you need to talk to him away from the office and see if he opens up to you."

"I've thought about that but I just don't have the time Stella, we have a case to solve and besides what makes you think that talking to him outside the office will make a difference"

"Cause he cares for you and I don't mean as just his boss and I happen to know you feel the same for him."

"Even if that's true and am not saying it is, I am not sure he trusts me enough to tell me his personal problems."

"Of course he trusts you, probably trust you more than anyone else on this team but you know Sheldon, his pride is probably holding him back that's all."

"I want to believe that Stella, I really do but I've said to him that he can tell me anything; I'm not going to judge him."

"Talk to him again, preferably out of office, maybe go for drinks it could make a difference."

"Okay."

* * *

_When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have recourse to any other" Mitchell Ulmann._

Later that night as Sheldon lay asleep at his friend's home things would go from seemingly disastrous to shoot to hell in a hand basket as cops raided the home and arrests them both for on charges of embezzlement.

On his way out the precinct Hawkes encounters Mac and tries to explain to him that he knew nothing about what his friend Hamilton was up to and putting down to bad judgment on his part for trusting a guy he went to undergraduate with. Mac still seemingly upset that Hawkes won't trust him enough to confide in him asks him to stop what to him seems like a well rehearsed song Hawkes cooked up in the back of the squad car.

Obviously disappointed that Mac thinks he's lying Hawkes becomes defensive and shuts down his emotions, leaving Mac once again hanging. Sighing Mac once again reaches out to Hawkes citing that he thinks that the doc is hiding something and his desire for Hawkes to see him as a friend and not just an authority figure looking for a reasonable explanation, Mac then reiterates to him that he (Hawkes) can tell him anything and his hope that the doc would trust that.

However Mac would have to wait a little while longer to get the doc to reveal his well hidden secrets.

"_Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling – frightened you'll slip away." From the movie Evita._

A few hours later after they've identified the assailant and Mac and Hawkes give chase through the streets ending in an alley behind an old apartment building. Cornered and unable to escape John Simmons a former employee of Stafford tries to make them see why he had to punish is former employer.

"That son of a bitch took my money! He invested the employees' pension, and he lost it all. We trusted him! I don't have anything. I don't have a damn thing left after all those years." Simmons angrily spits out.

"Look at me. This isn't the way to fix it." Mac tries to reason with him.

"What, you going to tell me that you understand? You can't understand. You can't possibly understand." States Simmons looking around for an escape.

Hawkes then speaks to him for the first time. "I do cause a month ago, I lost everything, too. I trusted someone with my money just like you did. A Money Manager, who turned out to be a scam artist. Now I'm living with friends. Spending my nights out, begging for overtime, but mostly, I just sit there wondering what the hell happened. And the worst part about all this is that it changed me, and I don't like what or who I've become. The secrets I've kept and the pride that forced me to lie to my friends and treat people unkind."

Mac looks at Hawkes with nothing but compassion in his eyes wishing he could reach out and comfort him, tell him that he's here for him no matter what and that it wasn't his fault that any of this happened. Mac wished not for the first time that Hawkes would consider him a friend he can confide in so that he doesn't have to keep these things to himself; he definitely needs to take Stella's advice and speak to the doc away from the office.

Later that day Mac would make the first move in showing Hawkes that he was indeed his friend and offer Hawkes the keys to his apartment and his spare bedroom, perhaps this would give him the opportunity to have an uninterrupted conversation with the doc that was long overdue.

Almost a week later and their both home after another long day at the office and Mac decides that tonight is when he makes his move and talk to Sheldon. So while Hawkes is in the shower Mac fixes them a light supper before taking a shower. While eating Hawkes can't help noticing the expression Mac is wearing and thinking that Mac looks like when he's about to discuss something personal.

Clearing his throat Hawkes decide to ask Mac what's on his mind and whether he can be of help.

"Something on your mind you want to share Mac?" Sheldon hoped his expression is light and friendly.

"Actually there is, I'm just not sure how to put it."

"Well it sounds serious, why don't we clear the table then move to the coach and I'll see if I can help you figure it out. How does that sound?"

Mac gives him a small smile and nods his head.

After clearing the table the make coffee then head to coach where they each took an end facing each other.

"I've given a lot of thought to what happened with Stafford case. Things were done and said that maybe could have be done and said differently by both of us. I just want to let you know that I didn't mean to imply that you were involved in the embezzlement scheme Taylor was running."

Sheldon gave him a wry smile and hang his head for a moment before raising it to look at Mac again.

"If anyone had told me that I'd find myself in this exact situation earlier this year and then to be sharing an apartment with my boss I would have probably laughed in their face and said they were crazy."

"Yet here I am and all I've been able to think for past week is maybe it happened for a reason."

"Really and what would that reason be?" Mac asked expectantly.

Drawing closer to Mac on the coach Hawkes placed his hand on Mac's thigh not sure if before the night was over he needed to find a new place to stay and a new job. Mac looked at the hand on him and then at Hawkes his breath catching in his throat as he tried to comprehend what was happening.

"I know that you're my boss and the last thing I want to do is cross a line here that can't be uncrossed or come across as thought I'm offering you me out of gratitude for offering me a place to stay."

Hawkes paused to gather his courage to continue, while across from him Mac's heart rate was steadily increasing its beats and its desire to leap out of his chest.

"Mac I have wanted you for so long. Oh god this … please say something before I make a further fool of myself."

Mac grasp Sheldon's hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "You're not making a fool of yourself Shel, if anything I think I'm the fool here for not telling you sooner how I felt about you, and now that I know you feel the same well.."

Before Mac could finish Hawkes closed the gap between their lips. He waited for Mac to catch up before deepen the kiss; once Mac did they became lost in each other for the rest of the night.

It just goes to show that behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining.

The End.


End file.
